Sex

Are any of your friends doing dry January? Well, mine certainly are.

In a world heavily centered around social alcohol consumption, how do you navigate socializing, let alone dating? Today, we explore all things related to dating, sex, and intimacy while remaining sober, as we break down what was discussed during the Dry Dating Panel hosted by Hilary Sheinbaum, an up and coming writer based in New York, and Free Spirits, a zero-proof alcohol brand, with the panel featuring Tawny Lara–author of “Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze”, Star Donaldson–Associate Social Director at Byrdie, and practicing sobriety for 1.5 years– and Dr. Lee Phillips–Sex and Relationship Therapist based out of NYC.

When you first start contemplating exploring sobriety, a few questions may come up as to how to get started. For example, how does abstaining from alcohol come up during the first couple dates?

One may find themselves at some level of anxiety or discomfort at the thought of this, but rest-assured–the panelists offered multiple ways to first navigate this conversation. Through going on dates based on activities such as rock climbing, yoga classes, or even a simple stroll around the city, to just being upfront and saying you aren’t drinking, you will be pleasantly surprised to find that more often than not, people prefer non-alcoholic dates. And if they don’t, or more importantly, can’t respect your boundaries, then good riddance! That was not your person in the first place.

While the thought of meeting someone new without the comfort blanket of alcohol may seem daunting at first, there are a number of benefits to dating sober. As Tawny Lara states during the panel, you are capable of “mindful connection” and “being fully present” that allow you uphold your standards and tolerate BS less. It is often common for us to experience anxiety after drinking–or what we call “hanxiety”–and that can be on a whole another level when dating. How many of us have woken up the next morning, after a first date at a cocktail bar, thinking to ourselves, “Shit, did I misread their vibe? Are they even into me?” To that Star says, what about me? Do I even like them? In fact, when we date while practicing sobriety, we can be much more in tune with both our mind and body; as Dr. Phillips points out, “Sober sex adds confidence and helps you understand your body better”. Not only can dry dating have a positive impact on our perception of the date and experience during, but also, if things get ~steamy~, we can also better understand our body’s signals.

Of course, everyone’s relationship with alcohol, substances, and even their own bodies are unique to each.

But if you are sober-curious and want to better navigate the world of dry dating, here are some tips that may help you get started:

1. You are not alone! In fact, Hinge recently did a study of its population on dating apps and found that 75% stated they are looking for non-alcoholic dates. Give yourself the grace and comfort in knowing that other people are open to this experience too.
2. Take time to think about your own values–with exploring sobriety, you will not onlybe more presentin your body and headspace, you will also experience greater self-awareness. What do you want from dating? What are youseeking in a partner?
3. Try sipping on something non-alcoholic such as a Diet Coke or a mocktail! Free Spirits offers zero-proof alcohol that tastes liketequila, gin, bourbon, and more, and you can find inspiration for mocktail recipes here.