Just in time for Mother’s Day, health and wellness journalist Ashley Oerman released her debut self-help book, Motherf*cked: How to Stop Your Mother’s Toxic Drama from Ruining Your Life.
Oerman celebrated the book’s launch on April 28 with an intimate release party at The Maze NYC. Guests excitedly mingled about their own moms and drank refreshments from Saint Spritz Virgins and Curious Elixirs. The author sat down with therapist Minaa B. — known for coining The Siblinghood Theory — to discuss the complexity of motherhood.
“The shame and stigma I felt about having a dysfunctional relationship with my mom kept me from doing anything about it,” Oerman said. “I wrote this book because I don’t want people to wait as long as I did to do something about this really common issue.”
The book explores why children can have troubling relationships with their mothers. It also reckons with the mental health effects of dysfunctional relationships and ways to move forward. She draws on personal experience, as well as conversations with healthcare professionals and psychological research. She also scatters questionnaires throughout the book for readers to determine their own attachment styles and anxious tendencies.
“I learned that there is a special kind of grief that comes with these relationships, and you really have to sit with those feelings and process them and get to a place of acceptance,” Oerman said. “Once I figured that out, it was really helpful for me. And I hope it’s helpful for readers too.”
The former Cosmopolitan editor was clear that Motherf*cked was not a takedown of mothers — or momkind, as she calls it. Rather, it’s an acknowledgment that our mothers can contribute to our negative mental wellbeing, even if their harm is unintentional. With her guide, readers can begin to unpack their own trauma and learn to set boundaries.
“For whoever reads this book, the most important thing is for them to feel like they’re not alone,” Oerman said.
