Filmmaker Foustene Fortenbach on the Most Personal Work She’s Ever Made
As touched as so many of us are by the mental health issues that can lead to suicide, we are still, as a culture, deeply stunted when it comes to discussing mental health. When filmmaker Foustene Fortenbach lost her friend and roommate, Jocelyn, to suicide in October of 2014, she was a college freshman totally unprepared to deal with the trauma that followed. It took her years of working through it individually and in relationship with others who knew Jocelyn before she was ready to open up about the experience the best way she knows how — through the storytelling medium that has always helped her communicate. The result is Dried Flowers, a short film loosely based on her experience of meeting Jocelyn’s mother for the first time after the loss.
Fortenbach’s filmmaking is thoughtful, sensitive, and straightforward without ever feeling harsh — much like she is. We spoke to her about the film, how she got her start in filmmaking, and what it was like telling a story so close to her heart.
The Knockturnal: Tell me a little bit about yourself and your background as a filmmaker.
Foustene Fortenbach: I went to Emerson College for undergrad. I see Emerson as the indie school for filmmaking. They’re also very technical, which was great. But after that experience, I realized I needed to focus on my storytelling. I decided to apply to grad school and got into USC. It’s kind of the opposite in that they teach more of the studio system — it’s much more business-oriented. There’s also a stronger focus on the “post” world, editing and sound design in particular. But writing and producing is also a focus. So while I was there, the pandemic hit, and I decided to take classes that worked well as remote classes, which for me was writing and video editing. I used to hate editing — I saw it as heartbreak, the stage where you just realize all the mistakes that you made while you were filming. But my perspective completely changed, and I actually really fell in love with it. So although I’m continuing to pursue directing, I also see myself as an editor now.
In terms of content, it’s been a journey for me to find balance. But ultimately, I do want to tell stories that advocate for social change in some way. One of my first short films, Resonance, focused on invisible disabilities; Dried Flowers is obviously related to mental health, although it’s much more personal.
The Knockturnal: What draws you to filmmaking as your chosen medium?
Foustene Fortenbach: I don’t have an eloquent answer: It’s the only thing I really feel that I’m good at. I did fine in school growing up, but I was never like, “Wow, I love calculus.” I grew up attending an international school based in California, but I was in the French section. And so, honestly, my English language skills were not the strongest. I was very antisocial as a kid, so movies were my escape. Like, “Shrek is my friend. It’s fine. This is great.”
I think that form of storytelling had a really big impact on me as a result, and I would get totally immersed. To this day, if the TV’s in front of me, it’s very hard to grab my attention. I actually thought I was gonna go into composing for a bit — I was obsessed with soundtracks. But music school sounded scary, so I started focusing on the story aspect. The movie that got me into filmmaking, funny enough, was The Holiday. Most of the time when people talk about filmmaking and what got them into it, they have really artsy films or, scenes in a TV series that had a great emotional impact on me. The Holiday literally has a character who works as a trailer editor and a composer. Watching it, I was like, I can do that. It’s so ridiculous, but I’m a literal person.
The Knockturnal: This project is so personal. What was the process of deciding to do it like?
Foustene Fortenbach: Honestly speaking, I did not think I was going to be doing this for probably another 10 years. This is a very sensitive subject. And for a long time, I didn’t talk about it at all. I didn’t know how to navigate it. I think I just needed more time to process it. I had another project in mind that wasn’t going anywhere, and this was always sitting in the back of my head. I kept thinking about it, and eventually I thought, “This is my last chance to kind of make the story while I’m still in school.” It hit me that if I don’t do it now, I don’t know if I’m going to do it later.
The Knockturnal: What has been the process so far?
Foustene Fortenbach: We’re mostly done with filming at this point, which I’m really excited about. That was a journey to get done. There are a lot of extra steps involved to ensure safety that USC requires; I had to meet with seven different departments to approve every piece of safety protocol. USC is huge on safety, which is great, but it slows down the process quite a bit. When you’re a student and you’re on a timeline, it’s just something that makes it additionally challenging, but we made it through. Now, we’re just finishing a couple of little things here and there to fill in the gaps.
The Knockturnal: What’s the emotional significance of this story for you? Why do you want to tell this story?
Foustene Fortenbach: When my friend passed away, it was my first real exposure to that kind of loss. I didn’t see it coming. The school didn’t either — it was their first on-campus death. So it was an experience that really shocked me. The administration was learning how to go about it as much as we were, in a way. I didn’t know how to navigate it.
When someone close to you passes, you don’t want to be the focus. You want to make sure that their people are remembering your friend how they were and that they’re focusing on the families. And so a lot of the time, you don’t want the focus to be on you. I remember someone the Boston Globe reached out, and they were doing an article on her, and I felt so unsure whether or not I wanted my name to be on it. I wanted the focus to be on her as a person, because I think once someone passes, at least in this fashion, they automatically become more of a number and a statistic. I wanted her to be remembered as an individual. She did struggle, but she was full of life. She had the biggest laugh. It’s not always like the stereotypes you hear. With this project, I completely shifted it. I was like, “I want others to find a place where they can feel comfortable talking about their experience of losing someone.” I feel a little funny about it because it is very much based on my own experience of losing my friend. It focuses on my experience of going to meet with her mom for the first time after it happened.
After that experience, I got to be so paranoid that I would miss the signs, or that if someone came to me for help, I wouldn’t know what to do. I ended up applying to be a resident assistant. In that role, you’re often put into situations where you’re the first point of contact for people if they’re struggling with mental health. I realized through those conversations with those students who are struggling in those moments that there was a lot of confusion about mental health. We often think of it as black and white, like, I have depression, or I don’t. But where’s the line when it comes to evaluating whether you’re suicidal, for example? Is it when I’m just constantly thinking of death? Or is it when I’m starting to plan? I just wanted to point out in the film that everyone’s mental health is different. When I was drafting the script, a lot of the people who I showed it to just didn’t know what suicidal ideation was at all. Ultimately, my purpose with this project has been that I wish I saw something like this when I was going through my experience, just to feel I wasn’t alone in it. I know, I make it sound quite heavy, but we brought some levity to the project too. There’s also a focus on the good moments. So it’s not a complete downer.
The Knockturnal: I’d love to hear about the artistic choices you’re making that might have significance for you in the way that you’re trying to tell this particular story.
Foustene Fortenbach: For the main character, Laney, there’s a big difference between what’s hot happening in the current moment versus what’s happening in her head. In the film, it’s been two years since the passing of her roommate, Kat. And she’s been holding off on meeting with Kat’s mother because of the anxiety that comes with it. She also feels some guilt, as though she might have contributed to the reasons for her roommate’s passing. They’re finally meeting because Kat’s mom found a letter that Kat had left behind for Laney while she was packing up, and so on the drive over, Laney kind of starts to visualize the life that Kat could’ve had. This is something that I still think about, but when my friend first passed, I used to have dreams all the time about different moments of her life in the future that she wouldn’t get to experience. So in the film, Laney sees Kat graduating college, getting married, having a kid.
I mentioned that we have some moments of levity in the project.The movie actually starts out with a darkly comedic nightmare that Laney’s going through: she’s walking across campus and she stumbles across an on-campus death tour — like a historic ghost tour, but instead, this tour guide is leading one for all the students that have passed on campus. It’s devastating to her in that moment. But it stems from her having that underlying guilt that she may be partially responsible for it.
The Knockturnal: What’s the stage that you’re at right now?
Foustene Fortenbach: Right now we’re in the process of fundraising for this film; our project is on Seed&Spark. It’s been tough but exciting as we get closer to our goal. I’m getting really pumped about it. We created donation incentives related to mental health, like a morning checklist template, and a digital flashcard set of things you can do with someone who might be struggling to support them. In addition to fundraising, we’ve been working on getting the word out about the film.
The Knockturnal: What has it felt like to bring this project to fruition?
Foustene Fortenbach: I miss my friend. So it’s been an experience going through this. It’s a hard one, but it’s definitely been healing. I’m hoping that in the end, we create something that she’s proud of too. I’ve been in contact with her mom throughout the process, and she’s been very supportive, which I am super grateful for.
I hope she’s proud of it. The hardest thing for me after my experience was that I didn’t get to have that final conversation that I wanted with her. A lot of the time when you lose a friend like this, it’s sudden. In a way, this movie is giving me that final conversation. But in the meantime, luckily her parents were kind and they left her social media pages up. I’ll send her little Facebook messages with updates on my life and checking in on her. I want others who are going through this to realize that there’s other people who struggle with this. I’m hoping that people can get comfortable talking about their grieving process and what works for them, because it’s still — it’s such a journey, you know?