Ali Miller, 20, is currently a student at the University of Minnesota, sister of the Alpha Phi sorority, and a survivor of rape. Miller is also one of my best friends. We met in our sophomore year of high school, during our biology class, when I told Ali about my childhood pet Freddie, who was a praying mantis. Ever since that moment, Ali and I have become sisters, ‘wives’ and constant supporters of one another.
The summer before our senior year, Ali told me that she was raped at a party, by a boy [let’s call him Jim* for privacy purposes] who was in our grade and was friends with her closest confidants. However, when Ali told me, it was clear that she had not fully processed the event. When I spoke with her over Skype this past week, I asked, “Do you remember when you told me what happened? We were at the Guthrie, seeing a show with your family, and you just looked at me and said ‘Hey, so this happened.’ Ali’s response?- “Yeah, I don’t- honestly, I don’t remember majority of my senior year…I remember from seeing photos, but- I mean, I thought I told my mom three months after it happened, and I actually told her a week after.” An entire year is lost, disjointed, erased from Ali’s memory. An investigation into what had happened the night of her rape, which lasted four months, “I thought lasted for two weeks,” Ali recalled. The investigation was dropped due to lack of evidence, after those four months.
I remember a day when Ali had come up to me, possibly mid-September or October, and asked me if I would drive her to the police station. I said yes without any hesitation, and offered to walk in and wait until her parents arrived. Even writing this, I get emotional as I did on that day, for I felt Ali’s unbreakable strength as she sat in my car, and prepared herself to fight. And that’s what Ali has done, fought for the past four years to share her story and advocate for those around her.
“I remember spring,” Ali said as we continued our interview. The spring of our senior year, Ali, our best friend Taylor, and I found an incredible group of girls, whom we are still bonded with today. The six of us became a unit towards the end of the school year, and into our first days of college. However, senior spring break was a week in which Ali has distinct memory from, and not for the calming nature that one would think. Ali went on a huge trip down to the Dominican Republic, with a group of people [including their parents], which included Jim*. “So, he was on the trip, and his mom didn’t know yet, and we had agreed to not talk about it. We were at the airport, and his mom found out, and all the other parents found out. So it turned into me, Taylor and Reid [close friends of Ali and I] against everyone else.”
The next week was filled with isolation, fights between parents and the fear of being sued. “I didn’t drink during the day, or barely at night- I remember all of spring break. And one night, his [Jim’s*] mom came up to me and just started screaming, ‘You’re a f**** b***! The sex was consensual! I am going to sue you for slander.’… Another boys mom ended up shoving my mom super hard, and basically said ‘your daughter is a slut.'” Eventually, Jim’s* mother backed off and the issue of being sued was dissolved, but this week continues to live in Ali’s memories.
After high school, Ali went to Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee, where she pursued the study of nursing. Ali had found a place to start over, and within months, she had made close friends, with whom she still talks to today. However, at the start of her sophomore year, Ali “slowed down” and suddenly the summer of 2012 hit her. That, along with friends going through severe depression and anxiety, triggered Ali’s own depression. She decided to come home for the semester, to change her medication and take community college classes. I visited home during winter break, and remember sitting with Ali at her dining room table, holding back my tears, because I knew there was nothing I could do to help her.
It was then decided that Ali would transfer to the University of Minnesota. She had friends there, it was close to home, and she felt comfortable in the community. While Ali started this transition of her life, she was introduced to Chantelle, who had founded an organization called ‘Be. Bangles’. ‘Be. Bangles’ created bracelets with inspiring quotes and mantras engraved, while sharing women’s stories of struggle and celebration. Chantelle spoke with Ali on the phone, per Ali’s father’s connection, and by the end of the interview, Chantelle asked if she could post Ali’s story on the company’s website. And of course, Ali said “Yes.”
Since her story was shared through ‘Be. Bangle’, Ali has found other outlets to share her journey and connect with others as well. This past year, Ali has spoken at the University of Minnesota’s ‘Walk A Mile in Her Shoes’ event, in which thousands of people attended. While preparing to give her speech, she also started a photography project called the ‘I Am Movement’. Hundreds of women reached out to Ali once they saw her story on ‘Be. Bangle’, and from those connections, Ali thought, “What if everyone talked about the s*** parts of their life? And I thought, if I can feel this supported, then everyone can feel like that. We live in such a fast paced world…there’s literally no time to not be okay. So I thought, what if I gave people that time, through a photo, maybe then everyone would feel a lot more supported and less alone in what they are feeling.” The mission statement of the movement states,
“We are all warriors. We have all fought our own battles & we have won them. These battles cause scars, some hidden, some piercingly noticeable. These beautiful parts of a human-the weaknesses, the strengths, are all strung together to make up an identity. Who are you? Who does society think you are? We are quick to bring forward our best traits, the parts of us that are strong and undamaged. But what about our worst moments? Our darkest times? What if we all brought those into the light? What if we are all more alike than we think? Welcome to the I Am Movement, where humans state their vulnerabilities to create a bond between us all.”
Ali has photographed dozens of young women holding up signs that range from ‘I Am More Than A Statistic’ to ‘I Am More Than My OCD’. This is the project that Huffington Post, SELF magazine, and The Today Show have covered over the past few weeks. Ali Miller, my person, has fought for not only herself, but for the young women of her community and is now changing the way we look at vulnerability.
When I was 5 years old my family and I moved from Nigeria to America. Going from a place where looking like me was beautiful and normal to Albert Lea Minnesota made me feel like an alien. I looked around and everyone had this fair complexion, blonde hair, blue eyes. I can still remember the days I would come home from school bawling because nobody wanted to play with “the little black girl”. I was called names like “monkey” and “ugly girl”. When I took showers I would scrub my skin till it was raw, trying to wash away the ugly. Thinking “if only I were just one shade lighter, or my eyes lighter, my lips smaller?”. I never felt like I was beautiful. Being an African American in a world of white beauty standards. it took a long time and still everyday, I am learning to be and accept myself. Yes, I have dark skin, dark eyes and big lips. it’s what makes me who I am, but that’s not all there is to me. I am beautiful in my own skin.
-Liz
From the project, one of her most cherished moments is with her sister of APhi, who came out through the photo series. “When the girls are writing on their signs, I don’t really ask them anything. If you wanna tell me about your story, great. If not, totally cool, I’ll just sit here and take your photo and you can send me the caption. I don’t want to pry…but when Monica held up her sign, she started crying and I asked what was wrong, and she said, ‘I’m just so happy to be myself.'”
Always remember: The things that make you different don’t make you weird or inferior to anyone. What makes you different makes you incredible. The harsh reality of our world is that you will be judged. But you will also be able to love and be loved in return, and in my eyes, everything else pales in comparison to that. I am Monica Nordgren. I fall in love with boys. I fall in love with girls. I am happy. -Monica
The dream for Ali would be for the movement to become national, and with how things are moving, that dream doesn’t seem so far way.
Throughout our interview, Ali continued to use the word “honored” when talking about being able to speak with these women, and be there for others who have reached out to her. One of my closest friends from school, Shelby, has been one of these women to reach out to Ali, and I am honored to have created that bridge between two of the most important people in my life.
As we finished our interview, I burst into tears. I continue to be inspired by this woman who graces me with her friendship, strength, humor and consistent sass. Ali, it is our honor to have you in our lives, fighting everyday for those who cannot speak, and breaking down the walls of what being vulnerable means.
Check out Ali Miller’s Facebook photography page, which includes her previous photo series, and contact information. Share her photos, tag your friends, and this project known.
