Tolliver wakes up like the rest of us–by splashing some water on his face and getting his morning cup of coffee on the way to pick up cat number two. That was the start of his day as we interviewed him to discuss his background, music, and journey of self-discovery.
Tolliver moved from Chicago to LA in 2014 to get his Master’s in Journalism at USC. It was there that one of his classmates told him about The Knockturnal and the opportunity to join our editorial team. He’d been writing for black-owned online editorials for eight years and mentioned his favorite experience, so far, is covering free food events and restaurants. We laugh and don’t argue with this incredible perk. He flashes a smile as he talks about the food, the benefits, and the joy of being exposed to a wide variety of talent and art. His humor, wit, and down-to-earth personality shine not only through his journalism but also in his style of music. Whenever he isn’t writing, he creates funky and soulful music to express his artistry. Stevie Wonder, Frank Ocean, Chaka Khan and specifically Otis Redding are major influences on his soulful sound. However, the greatest influence of all was the time he spent growing up in the church.
Tolliver was raised on the Southside of Chicago to a pastor’s father and a mother, who was the lead soprano singer in the choir. “They would have me play piano for every service,” he remembers.
Tolliver learned to play the piano and guitar in order to meet the expectations that were placed on him by the church and his family. There was a lot of pressure as a preacher’s kid and he felt the need to be perfect. His father’s tastes and opinions heavily dominated their relationship and Tolliver’s approach to music. However, in high school, this dynamic completely changed. “I went to high school, and they cast me in a musical called Once on This Island to play the God of Water, Agwé, and that was it. That was all it took to spark the change,” Tolliver recalls.
His experience with instrumentation and musical performance led him to experiment with producing music outside of church and high school. The stage production gave Tolliver the freedom to explore his sound and ultimately envision a different life for himself. By the time Tolliver was ready to get his degree, he moved to LA and pursued his music career. He knew he wanted to tell stories about his father and his own queerness through music.
This is where Tolliver’s first EP Daddyland was born.
Produced in 2017, Daddyland holds a special place in Tolliver’s musical journey because it helped him learn a lot about himself. He spent many years in fear of his father’s judgment until his untimely death when Tolliver was 11 years old. He used the power of songwriting to explore his loss, the dynamic of their relationship, religion, and sexuality.
The lyrics on Daddyland explore who Tolliver’s father was and who Tolliver has become and that despite being someone he feared his father would never accept, they were both humans with insecurities, secrets and a full life. He spent so many years feeling concerned about being queer and sexual. He decided he didn’t want to dwell on what his father would have thought of him.
Recently, Tolliver reconnected with his brother and extended family in Chicago. The visit felt like a continuation of his emotions around the Daddyland EP. His brother’s children are 11 and 13, around the same ages that Tolliver and his brother witnessed their father’s death. Tolliver’s journey into music, which led to him finding himself and navigating his masculinity, allowed the visit to be a full-circle moment for him. “I was getting to know these kids…I’m going to start crying,” he chuckles briefly. “It really did something to me, in a good way. Where I felt like I finally reclaimed a part of my past that I–much like my dad’s situation–had to bury. [This is] where I said, ‘I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore, it’s just so traumatic.’”
Despite his tumultuous history with his family, a lot of Tolliver’s stage presence and confidence derived from his father. “I have a real swagger about me, especially when I’m performing or hosting. I have real confidence, even on stage with a very preacher-like quality.”
After the EP and reconnecting with family, Tolliver feels more aligned with who he is and is ready to explore more of that in his music. “These songs are now about me being a bad bitch…that’s good, and that’s valid.”
Today, Tolliver feels no shame for who he is and openly admits to being sexually adventurous, yet safe. He is open about his queerness, despite what his father would have thought of it.
As he notes his own sexual experiences and prides himself on being healthy, he mentions the appreciation he has for being protected with PrEP as compared to the past experiences of some of his older partners. Tolliver recalls, “We’ll be talking and they’ll tell me old stories about when it was not this safe. When people were really droppin’ out here [from HIV].” Tolliver appreciates these conversations and of the access to resources he has. He sees the privilege that comes from having access to resources when generations before him did not. It is this knowledge of sexual health, besides his freedom of expression through music, that allows Tolliver to feel secure in being himself.
“I’m feeling myself. I like myself.”