Mark Lacek’s new book “So, Who’s In Your Circle?” is the IRL advice we need when it comes to facing the ins and outs of social media today.
Point is the digital age has changed the way that we do relationships. It has claimed ownership of our connections. Sign on to Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok and you will be presented with posts that have been selected for you by an algorithm.
But there is a danger to this way of connecting. Whereas healthy relationships have the power to lower our anxiety and raise our self-esteem, our time spent on social media often has the opposite effect.
Social media is not now nor was it ever the place to either acquire or retain your friends,” says Mark Lacek, author of the book “So, Who’s In Your Circle?” and creator of the My-Circle app. “In fact, any time you spend there in search of authentic relationships will be time wasted. Social platforms have an interest in you that is less than honorable. They are shallow, cannibalistic, and encourage behaviors in you that are the antithesis of how friendships are nurtured for mutual benefit. Social media is a modern tragedy happening right in front of us at the expense of those friends who should matter most.”
Mark developed his latest book and app combination to encourage people to be more deliberate about the people in their lives and the social circles in which they spend their time. His work draws upon the experience he gained running the frequent flier rewards programs for Northwest Airlines, now formally known as Delta Air Lines Skymiles. Mark’s success with rewards programs earned him the nickname “The Loyalty Guy.” Today, he is using his skills to help people identify and stay close to the people who are most important.
Distraction is said to be one of the greatest dangers of living in the digital age. The quantity of media that is now at our fingertips is so great that it makes giving our full attention to any one thing a considerable challenge. When it comes to relationships, the number of friends we now claim — the average Facebook user has 338 — can significantly limit our ability to be focused, attentive, and authentic.
“Influenced by what I had learned as ‘The Loyalty Guy,’ I chose to be more deliberate about the people who I spent time with,” Mark says. “I realized that spreading my attention to hundreds of friends on social media was a waste of time, so I instead focused on building a small, personal network of friends who I could count on to be loyal.”
Reclaiming ownership of your personal relationships starts with refocusing on your unique relational needs. In other words, you need to focus on your soul instead of your scroll. Scrolling through social media gives you a window into others’ lives, but may not help you to understand what is going on in yours. Find the people who support who you really are and who you want to be and you will find the friends you need in your life.
“Good friends make you your better self,” Mark says. “Lean on them and let them lean on you. A true friendship allows both people to move forward.”
The final step in reclaiming ownership of your personal relationships simply involves letting go. The digital age has made it much easier to connect, which has resulted in the volume of our relationships growing dramatically. If we are honest with ourselves, we know that most of our “friends” do little to enhance the quality of our lives.
“Letting go of those on the periphery of our lives frees up time for those who matter most,” Mark explains. “The reality is those other friends are already gone. Now is the time to recognize it and shift your focus to the authentic and genuine relationships in your life.”
Cover art by