Saoirse Ronan needs to stop having bad sex with men.
After Brooklyn, Ladybird, and now this, I’m starting to wonder at Ronan’s typecast as this woman who entrances men that seem to not have much to bring to the table…or the bedroom, rather. She also makes use of those brilliant eyes of hers in this latest installment of Saoirse Ronan Will Never Get An Onscreen Orgasm, also known as On Chesil Beach. This particular movie, however, is far more upsetting than the others because not only is the sex bad, but we get to watch a romance crumble before our eyes…on the wedding night, no less.
On Chesil Beach is an adaptation of a novel and you can tell. The pacing is slow, dreamlike, and the scenery gorgeous. We get to watch these characters fall in love in the flashbacks and really get to know them, even as it juxtaposes with the most uncomfortable wedding night of all time. Wedding afternoon? It has hardly gotten dark as they fumble around. In the end, the plot is seemingly trivial and certainly bizarre, so it is not what you want to see this for. The real attraction of the film derives from the leading actors, who play this ridiculous story – a new wife who doesn’t want sex, and the husband who leaves her as a result- with such pain and gravitas you’d think they were reading from a different script. While the flash forwards are heavy-handed and involve some bizarre age makeup, the heart never leaves this film, which gives the rare moments of levity some real charm. This movie also may attract an older crowd, given that the lesson is certainly that of regretting the folly of youth.
Come watch On Chesil Beach for a good time that doesn’t involve sex or violence as so many films do these days, and watch two hearts break against a backdrop of a truly beautiful beach. Let’s all take this journey with Ronan together, and hope that one day, she will find an onscreen love that doesn’t have strange drama attached.